Television and Pointlessness
Alright, well I’m back by popular demand, and by demand I mean my shear will to annoy you so much that you’ll have no choice but to read this ramble and rant. That’s right, I’m here for you, not because I want to or I wish to share my thoughts, but because….I don’t feel like reading anymore text books. All joking aside, I’m here to talk to you about things, things that I realize, things that I find interesting, or things that I think I can get a conversation or spark a thought in some people’s heads…considering your brain is made out of cells, muscles, and neurons and not rocks. Anyways, the first topic…oh to get a point clear, I’m not insulting anyone, just be sarcastically comedic. Okay, where was I? Oh right, the first topic is television programming, oh yes, you know who you are. Mr. Cartoon Network and Mrs. Teen Nick and Disney (specified as a non-gender). First of all, I remember Cartoon Network being about cartoons, the fiber of children’s lives, not some poorly put together and vomit inducing real life shows that rip off Mythbusters and Ghost Hunters. I thought that was Nickelodeon’s job, you know when they had those kid game show types of things where you had to run through an obstacle course or get slimed because…well they slimed just because they had somehow produced some weird green gelatinous form and they felt that if you got slimed it would produce something we call funny…and it worked. As a kid, you laughed at it, as an adult you look at it and say, I remember when I laughed at that and then turn the channel. Anyways, back to the point. Cartoon Network seems to want to go towards humanistic things, like mentioned above. Why? What happened to the good old cartoons like the Flintstones or the Jetsons, or Ren and Stimpy, or Rocko’s Modern Life, or Ed, Edd, and Eddy, or Courage the Cowardly Dog, or well you get the point. No we go to horrible acting and real life drama, psh. Whatever dude, get your name straight. CARTOON Network makes you think of cartoons, not some kids wandering around next to a green screen faking to be scared by some projected image. Or that Total Drama Island crap they have running. Is this the Age of Drama or something? Don’t get me wrong, drama is good, it’s what makes a story suspenseful or solid. But when Nick decides it wants to split into three arbitrary forms of Nick Jr., Teen Nick, and Nickelodeon…then we’ve pushed it over the edge. Teen Nick is just a network that has Degrassi crap, I’ve been through high school, no one really needs anymore drama and when you’re out of High School, it’s time to grow up and move away from that.
Why Austen, you bashing network fiend, you don’t HAVE to watch these shows, so why are you talking about it? Good question, my oblique and vague friend. I’m speaking about this simply because I can…hahaha, didn’t expect that did you? You did? Damn…anyways, I speak of this because I feel that television is becoming crap. Why is that? I will tell you. Because it’s become a product of money lately. The networks continue to blend and blend and blend until there is no distinction between them. A marketing approach to keep you on the station. An approach to suit all your needs so you won’t need to switch stations. But that’s just it, if they knew what marketing is, they would realize that marketing to a specific target market is more profitable than trying to market to all. Because when you try to market to all, there’s always going to be something someone doesn’t like, and when that happens, people migrate from that in search of stuff that they like, in which would supply them constantly of. So if you market to a target group instead of a whole you’ll get the people that will stay on it because it’s what they like. This; however, is if they like the shows, but that’s too complex for the point I’m presenting.
The point I’m presenting is that Cartoon Network should go back to showing only cartoons and good cartoons, not the cheap crap they’re showing. Nickelodeon should go back to sliming people all the time and have something for the kid, not the hormone driven stereotypical teenage. Maybe my high school, as ghetto, old, and cheap, as it was had morals and values. That should speak to all of you Bluestoners. The mighty Barons and the mighty Tro…I can’t say that with a straight face anymore…….Trojans. Anyways…lets get to the worst of the three, Disney.
Disney, why, why, why? You used to be about Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, and Goofy…now the only time you see them is when you turn the TV on early and they have tike tv on. Now they have other things. Why is everything going towards the teenager drama and jank. I mean yeah okay, teenage drama is evident, we know that, but 90% of the time when you get out of high school you look back and think (pardon my language) what a prick I was. I mean honestly guys, screaming at your parents cause they wouldn’t let you out on a school night, back then it was totally justifiable, but now you think…man I had it good back then. Granted, I never did that to my parents. I was taught well by my father and mother how to behave and I attribute my work ethic and manners to them. But Disney has taken some obscure route mixing in some comedic things with some other stuff. They’ve bred something, they gave birth to Britanny Spears and we saw how that ended. Miley Cyrus…okay, the girl is growing up so it’s time to drop her Disney, time for her to fend for herself and stop adding stripping poles to kids music videos. Partially this is both hers and Disney’s fault.
Eh, I think I lost you guys somewhere, anyways. What I’m trying to say is that, networks should be true to themselves and stop advertising crap. Stop trying to be what the other station is. Honestly, it’s getting ridiculous, the originals are going to be better than you, there’s no stopping it. Ripping off another network just makes people mad. Like all the vampire things coming out. After one came out, everyone did it. Ah, it’s stupid. For one, VAMPIRES DON’T SHIMMER!!!! Don’t get me started on that. Two, when did vampires get popular? Three, one may be good, but the others never really last. They have that one or two good seasons and then they die. They’re just a phase, just like all this drama crap. Soap Operas did it well and they try to put that into teenager lives and things just get out of control. So why am I pissed off at it? Because that’s all I ever see. Some stupid crap that they came out with that’s exactly the same as the last. This is television, not Nintendo. But it’s on a different plain here. While Nintendo keeps resurrecting old titles to just have them continuously stabbed and pitch-forked to death before being lit on fire by critics; television decides it will rip off one networks “hit series” and turn it into basically a walking clone with new names, new settings, and a slightly (remotely at best) flip in a switch. This is what they are doing and worst of all, this is what Disney is doing to it’s own shows. They take the same concept, put one big star or star group in it and place nobodies around them to make them stand out. It’s the same concept. Teenage life in a high school who are, one or the other, the underdog or the popular people and it focuses on their life as a student. But when you look at their actual ages, some of them are in their 20’s. 20? 20??? That’s when you’re suppose to be out of high school. No one after high school wants to go back to high school. They want to go back to the memories, but not the high school…unless you’re one of them. So television networks, this is your warning before the apocolypse of 2012 happens and we’re all consumed by some vague notion of burning to death created by a civilization that’s not here anymore and thought that human sacrifices would appease the gods that completely doomed them; make some good stuff, be unique and creative. So what if it only lasts one season, Hootie and the Blowfish had one album, but they are remembered to this day as the band with a black guy from whom no one knew he was black.
But anyways, I don’t watch television really, so I conclude this to say that I don’t really care what you put on the boob tube because I probably won’t watch it. So why did I write this long thing? Because I hope, even though this won’t be read, to spark some thought and creativity in minds…wait I said that already. Well then, they get the message, be artists like you claim you are. Create something worth while. Well that’s it for me, thanks for reading!
P.S. – What happened to Toonami?
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June 28th, 2010 at 11:30 pm
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